...apart from the fact that I am neither a celebrity or a victim of crime.
I'll give you a sample of my messages and you can probably figure the reason out for yourselves.
"Hello, Mrs XXX, this is the disability services, we've put you on the waiting list but we can't say how long you'll have to wait, we have yet to employ enough workers to cover the children we deal with now."
"This is Thingo from Such and Such school. Sorry, but your son doesn't qualify for our school setting, you'll have to look at mainstream high schools."
"Hi, this is Blah Blah from Private Specialist Practice and we've put you on the waiting list to see Specialist which will give you an appointment sometime in 2014 but don't worry if someone dies we'll push you forward."
"Hi, just returning your call re enrolling your son in our Autistic Specialist School; it seems his language isn't enough below par to qualify for our education setting. Maybe mainstream or a private school?"
"Hello. This is Crappity Crappity from the head injuries place. Just letting you know there's a 19 week waiting period for assessments."
"Hello, Mrs XXX, I've taken your details about your son and those responsible will get back to you about enrolling him at our school although you might have to look at other schools with integration streams closer to home or think about a private school."
"Hi! This is Sunshine Sally! I'm ringing to let you know that if you pay a minimum of several thousand dollars we can possibly fit your son in next Winter. Have a nice day! Byeeee!"
"Hi, just to let you know there's a lengthy waiting list to be enrolled at our school, I'd suggest you look into mainstream or private schools instead."
"Hello, this is Oblivious Clothead ringing to tell you that you missed out on funding due to the paperwork being filed under F for Forget on my desk and missing the financial year deadline. Maybe you'd better think about reapplying in another 12 months."
"Hi hon, this is your husband. Just to let you know I've been offered a few thousand dollars for my kidney but I could get several tens of thousands if I donate my spleen. Let me know what you think. They've promised I can wake up in a bath full of ice with no clothes and the possible bonus of an internal infection. Good, huh?!"