Social networking skills

Aspie teen had lost interest in Facebook for ages until he learned that almost all of his team mates were on it.
Now, he's scooting through his schoolwork and has swapped his 30 mins Nintendo DS playtime for Facebook and chatting.
Plus, he's rediscovered the fact some of his 'friends' on FB are, in fact, relatives, which he'd managed to completely forget!
Now, if they were footy players or a dinosaur they'd stick in his mind forever *snort*.

Thanks for your kind comments on my previous entry, they are appreciated.
We would have liked to have not applied for hubby's records but as the family was unreliable for medical information and our son was starting to have many extensive tests due to his Autism/Asperger's, we wanted to learn what we could from reliable, impartial sources.

I'm such a party animal *snort*

So far, so good (touch wood, fingers crossed and all that).
The medications have found their way down his throat with only a mild reminder each morning without any meltdowns, grunts or glaring looks - such a nice routine rut to get stuck in, don't you think?
He's currently doing textbook work !!!!!
Without complaint!!!!
Explanation - up until a few months ago he'd happily do textbook work as well as online work but he's been unable to focus/concentrate/get into the groove of the textbooks, preferring the online studies.
But today he's trotted off to a quiet room to complete his textbook work.
And...he got up out of bed without anyone calling him.
He also got his brekkie without being reminded.
Only one small quiet reminder to take his medicine and it was gone in a flash!
Someone has either frozen Hell or he's been abducted by aliens.
He's in a happy groove right now, double woot and bust out the party streamers!

Welcome to Groundhog Day

Another day, another series of (minor)  verbal meltdowns (lasting approx.10 mins) before, during and after brekkie.
Almost every day we have the same result with the same requests, no matter how we ask, structure it, phrase it, whatever.
Aspie teen directed to make his brekkie.
Point to breakfast schedule on fridge.
Meltdown. We will not play at slaves and make it for him. Tsk tsk.
Medications are in the dosette box.
Dosette box gets put in Aspie teen's hand with clear instructions to take his medicine.
He puts it on the table.
We are distracted by trying to get our own brekkie and my Dad sorted.
Dosette box still on table.
Aspie teen reminded to take meds.
Meltdown. We nag too much. Tsk tsk.
Have a shower.
Medicine still in dosette box on table.
Remind Aspie teen again.
Go off to get shoes on.
Medicine has moved to glass of water on windowsill.
Ask Aspie teen to have a shower.
Meltdown. We didn't give him enough warning. Tsk tsk.
Remind him he hasn't showered for about a week.
Firmly inform him, while he's grunting and becoming aggressive that today's outing will be cancelled if he continues to fight about a shower.
Remind him to wash his hair, to use shampoo and soap.
Point to schedule pinned to back of bathroom door.
Medicine still in glass on windowsill.
Almost 15 mins later shower is turned on.
Ask him to hurry up.
Meltdown. We nag too much. Tsk, tsk.
Almost 30 mins later remind him to turn water off and get out.
After he's dressed we remind him to put on deodorant.
Ask if he used shampoo, "No".
Soap? "No, I forgot".
Brushed your teeth? "Not yet!" snappy.
Remind him to have medicine.
"In a minute,"  grunting begins.
Frog march him into kitchen and stand over him while he swallows medicine.
Medicine actually down his gullet.
Send him to bathroom to clean teeth.
Later on train platform, waiting for train, ask him to tuck his shirt in.
"This is a punishment for before, isn't it?" he asks with gritted teeth.
"No, this is about you learning to pay some attention to your appearance."
See braces.
Half a bowl of cornflakes seem to be stuck in them.
"Did you clean your teeth when we asked?"
"No, I forgot."
What was he doing in the bathroom?
"I dunno, leave me alone, I can't remember everything!"
No, of course you can't.
That's what your mother is for, apparently....

Heads are fragile things

18 months ago my darling Aspie and I were visiting at a friend's house where there are 2 large trampolines.
But no safety mesh.
Can you see where this is going?
The kids were all outside with an adult in the garage eyeballing them.
The kids were loud, it was summer and they were mainly boys.
Next thing we knew they'd come in and Aspie teen was the colour of ivory, complaining of a headache and snappy.
And then he vomited.
Thinking it might be gastro I sat with him out on the porch, cool water and a bucket while I asked for symptoms.
Another boy came out and, with a worried look on his face, wondered if it might have had something to do with Aspie teen hitting his head on the ground after he was pushed off the trampoline and "we thought he was pretending to be asleep for a long time".
A-huh.
Unconsciousness and concussion.
Took him home, then to hospital, then back to hospital for CT scans, then further observations at the hospital, more follow up appointments with doctors who all said everything was clear.
Since then he's become aggressive and we're back to having these meltdowns, something we hadn't had on this scale for quite some time.
I have told everyone; it may be a coincidence or it may not but his behaviour, manner, attitude, temperament and personality had a shift that day after the head injury.
Finally, after hearing our latest battle via the phone someone is starting to listen and take notice.
Maybe.
Not holding my breath.

Why I saddled up this hobby horse in this horse race

Blogging is not new to me but personal blogging is.
I have a history blog I write under another name, referring in passing to my son's autism (and his giftbag of other labels) but never giving out many details of him.
Until recently.
He finally allowed me to burble about him and the issues he faces, no longer feeling that it was merely more grist for 'them' to tease him with.
And plus I was over-flowing with stuff I couldn't talk about.
Honestly, I was bursting at times, wanting to talk to other mums of Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) kids but unable to openly discuss Aspie teen, even with some friends.
Since I started this blog it's been amazing.
I have found some fabulous parents to get ideas from, borrow strength and to share jokes with.
Sometimes the Autistic Spectrum creates a select niche of people who aren't fully understood by those looking on; we're weird, we talk in a form of short-hand together, we get where each other is coming from, sometimes we've been on the same path together, maybe a little ahead or a little behind the other but the same seemingly roundabout path of therapists, specialists, neurologists, allergists, GPs,speechies, physios, psychologists and psychiatrists.
Then not to forget trawling through the latest medical breakthrough that gets trumpeted from the rooftops by the media and discuss it back and forth, swapping urls, names of recommended specialists, medicines, routines, etc.
We have little time to ourselves, we're forever running about for our kids, mostly we're just.too.tired to deal with other people who (for example) whinge about their child who can't recite their alphabet at age 3 when ours is yet to learn to crawl but can write the entire alphabet at the same age.
Sometimes plodding on the ASD road can be bloody lonely, hard and exhausting yet there's a million other ASD parents out there willing to give you a gentle pat on the back to help you get your second wind and tackle another day.
This personal blogging lark has paid for itself in spades with all the lovely people I've met.
Thanks :)

When a meltdown is totally cool bananas

When we last saw our action heroes strange not-so-dynamic duo they were disappearing into the sunset for several days while a few GFDF recipes were scheduled for your entertainment.
Oh, how many ways can a laksa soup titillate you, how much stuffing can you achieve with a capsicum and just what  was that 3rd...(checks) oh yeah, Leftover Eggy Ring of Orgasm.
Maybe not.
I'm posting babbly stuff with photos over on the other blog that's in the blogroll over there if you want to waste some time instead of being industrious by ramming bamboo under your fingernails.
Let's catch up with our freaky family....
*Opening scene - Aspie teens bedroom which resembles a tip and has often been the site of unexpected life form discoveries*

MELTDOWN.

Thankfully the trashing of the room didn't really make that much difference to the pile of mess that was existing in this reality.
According to the offspring my perception of reality is vastly different to his, ergo the mess isn't really that bad.
Yeah, ta for that, Spock, baby, and try the broom handle on for size in your great mitt.
Yes, backward and forward motion, preferably to move the debris towards the rubbish bin, not further into the corner of your room where you're going to try to hide it behind another teetering tower of sci-fi books.
Oh, yeah, I got your number, baby, I know how your brain works.
Did I mention I got the sworn atheist, Darwinist, Big Bang theorist into a church on our holiday?
And he didn't
A) turn into Linda Blair from the Exorcist
B) didn't burst into flames
C) Horror of Horrors!!!! Enjoyed meeting the whole congregation of 12.
The meltdown is reaction to holding his gizzards together without losing it all over Central Victoria.
I can get that.
Is cool bananas, baby.

D'ya wanna know a secret? (ooooh ahhh ooooh) D'ya promise not to tell?

*Warning - heavy duty swearing ahead*
The secret is....parenting ASD kids can suck hairy fuckin' dogs' balls.
Sometimes.



Another meltdown today, a major one that chewed through the whole frigging day.
Seriously, I have not the fuckin' foggiest idea where they think parents can pull the magic wand from - that's the magic wand that we're still looking for, mind you - to wave and make these situations all better.
*those last two words said with saccharine sweetness*
I can assure you I aint pulling no magic stick from my arse and if I were I wouldn't be waving it willy-nilly about expecting some ethereal being to 'zap' things better, ffs.
If I had the misfortune to pull any stick from my rear it would involve a great deal more bloody swearing than is happening here and the promise to whack whoever put it there upside their dipsy-doodled nut.
Tally today - bruises = dunno, they haven't come out yet.
Hair = mostly intact (except for the hair that was pulled out by the roots).
Breakage = egg timer.
Overall, not too bad for a full on meltdown that lasted all day.

Last night, a minor meltdown.
What over?
The kid had his hand accidentally kicked in a footy match.
I asked "Does it hurt?"
"No."
Then a bit later I asked him to write a reply to a lady who'd sent him a letter.
Meltdown !!!!
When I was able to hold the punching, kicking rugrat still for more than a flippin' nanosecond what do I spy?
A very swollen knuckle.
"Does it hurt?" I ask
"No, I told you it doesn't hurt." he snapped back.
"Go and pick up a pencil" I said.
"No, it hurts to hold a pencil"
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
The farking concrete thinking becomes even thicker and more Rapid-Set with pain on board, apparently.
"So, this is all about the fact your finger hurts and you can't hold a pencil or pen to write a reply?"
"Yes"
"Why didn't you just say your finger hurt?"
"Cos it doesn't hurt."
Grinding teeth here - by the way at this rate I'll be down to the gums within the next few years - when I replied,
"Ok, why didn't you say that your finger hurt when you tried to pick up a pencil?"
"Oh, I didn't realise it hurt."
Arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Sex ed and the Aspie teen

Yeah, I reckon there'll be a fair few hits from some weirdos doing bizarre searches.
Begone, you unclean wretches!
No, not you, good reader, you can stay right where you are.
The offspring has watched National Geographic, Discovery Science, History channels, et el for years, since he was a tiny tacker.
He taught some teachers at school that kangaroos can balance on their tail and impart savage tears with the claws on their hind feet (they poo-poohed him until I corrected them that it was true *rolls eyes*), they then refused to believe that goannas could inflict nasty cuts (which could quickly become infected) or that wombats had sharp teeth and claws and shouldn't be picked up.
When he explained that some sharks laid eggs and that the 'spiral seaweed' another pupil had brought in was actually the remains of one of these eggs, well.....!
Crikey, you'd have thought the sky was falling in!
Yes, ok, he was 7 at the time but, c'mon.
Kids on farms see this everyday and their teachers don't call parents at home to get the tv viewing changed.
*excessive eye rolling*
Anyway, the other week there was a nature special on the procreation of different species including the 'very rare footage of a baby kangaroo (joey) being born and climbing up its mother's fur to the pouch'.
This footage is so rare it was the same footage the hubby and I (and probably most of you lot) watched as fascinated 10 year olds back in primary school up on the projector screen in the darkened multipurpose room.
I reminded hubby of it and he asked, with tongue in cheek,
" Geeze, what were they thinking, showing that to us kids?! D'ya reckon they'd be allowed to show it in schools these days or do they demand a different channel?"
*snort*

Lamination progress huzzah!

So, I've gone a little silly with the laminator.
Weeeell, maybe not so silly.
I've printed up the step-by-step way of having a shower.
Yes, I even reminded him to grab a towel!
Then the step-by-step order to start his day with breakfast, starting with the first step of "No Coke!!!!"
He's a bit of a fiend for that, self-medicating with the caffeine for his ADHD plus once he does something it gets cast in concrete that he Must.Do.It.The.Exact.Same.Way.Every.Time.
Has to have a glass of fizzy lolly water (coke, Fanta, Sarsaparilla, Root Beer, Dr Pepper, lemonade, etc) right before Every.Single.evening meal.
Sometimes he'll have just finished drinking water or juice but the OCD kicks in and he almost turns magenta arguing for his precious glass of fizzy soft drink.
I digress.
I've printed up small business card-sized prompts for him to tuck into his wallet; one states that he has Asperger's, Tourette's, ADHD, OCD and anxiety, asking the person to be patient with him, with an autism ribbon to underscore the message.
Another is a prompt card for when he has a panic/anxiety attack, with suggestions of focusing on Pokemon, Doctor Who, etc, taking deep breaths, that kind of thing.
Another is a prompt card for beginning a conversation with a new acquaintance, how to share the conversation with the other person rather than dominate it with his own hobbies/interests, etc.
I've also printed up the order of getting down to work with his textbooks; some days his head is off in la-la land and he can take hours to do what he can finish within 30 mins some days.

Bizarrely, these are the exact same things we chant to him every day yet, because he is such a visual learner, reading them in black and white has already helped him get his work done with no angst and he's thrown his medication down his throat with greater speed than seen on Usain Bolt on a track.
He's never been one for the social stories or picture prompts but these lists have really clicked with him.

I've bitten the bullet and given in

It's not as drastic as it sounds, really.
I've bitten the bullet and bought a laminator.
They're on special at the moment and it's the one thing I need to plaster signs all over the bathroom for Aspie teen.
Signs like "Brush your teeth!"
"Wash your hair!"
"Have you got a clean towel?"
"Get a towel from the cupboard!"
"Shampoo your hair!"
"Dry between your toes!"
"Get dressed in CLEAN clothes"
Cos the Good Goddess on High knows I'm sick of the sound of my own voice chanting the same things over and over and over and over...
Then I thought I can plaster a few signs up on his bedroom walls and in the kitchen, like,
"Eat your brekkie"
"No Tv while eating brekkie"
"Put the newspaper down and EAT your brekkie"
"Wash your bowl"
"WASH it with water and a sponge"
"Get your medicine"
"Get your medicine, you forgot"
"Don't forget your MEDICINE!"
"Have you swallowed your medicine???"
Then, on the back of the front door I can nail,
"Don't you dare set one foot outside this house unless you've tossed your medicine down your gullet!"

And underneath...

"Yes, I WILL check!!!!"

Aspie teen and footy

The Aspie teen plays footy in a disabled league but boy! those players make some AFL players look like wussies!
He usually plays 2 matches and comes home slightly tired, covered in several tonnes of mud and sleeps like the dead that night.
He gets tackled like nobody's business, plays with and against 20, 30, 40 and 50 year olds (they have a 64 yr old on their own team who puts Big Bad Barry Hall to shame) but comes out smiling like a Cheshire Cat.
Some weeks he talks non-stop about the rough-housing the opposition gave them, he's slowly gaining the courage and self-confidence to get in and support/protect his team mates, still needing to learn when to stay back and when it's safe to say a few words.
This week he played in the ruck and had a ball...thankfully he listened to everyone else and showered at the ground as no bus driver in his right mind would have let him on the bus with the amount of dirt he'd managed to stick to himself!
This footy team has really been the best thing for him.

Hi Jean! Hygiene!

I must add, on the tail end of yesterdays post, Aspie teen avoids the shower but when we can shoehorn him into it it can take up to an hour for him to actually turn the water on and get in.
Then he needs reminding to shampoo his hair, wash his face, etc, or he'd just stand under the water.
Then we have to nag for him to turn the water down/or off as he usually has it at the force a fireman would expect to find at the end of his hose to fight a raging inferno.
Or he stands there for hours staring into space.
Then we might ask if he remembered to dry himself properly as we mop up the puddles from bathroom to his room.
"Oh. No. There wasn't a towel so I just walked to my bedroom and got dressed," is sometimes the reply.
Nevermind that the towels are in a cupboard that you have to pass to walk into or out of the bathroom.
He has barely touched a comb in his entire life to subdue his hair and refuses to let me near him with one, either.
A number 2 or 3 buzzcut usually keeps it in check once or twice per year.
I almost fell over with shock when he correctly used the phrase 'hair product' in a sentence the other day.
Thought he'd been abducted by aliens.
But then he admitted he'd read an ad for 'hair mud' and thought it was a new cultural discovery from Ancient Egypt or Roman Britain.
Ahhh, yes, my Aspie geek; might not be the most well-presented in a crowded room but he'd probably be the only one who could thrill a girl with detailed instructions on how to remove a dead persons brains, with a crochet hook, via their nasal passage.
What more could a girl ask for on a date!?!

Confessions....part 1

Oooooooooo, doesn't it sound like I'm about to share a dirty secret with you?
*snort*
Only dirty secret around these parts is how long the Aspie teen tries to go without showering some weeks.
Peeeee-ewwwww.
Not livin' high on the hog, it's more like high on the nose and rising at a fast clip!
Anyways, I have another blog I have been blathering away on for several years.
I keep it separate from this as it's more focused on history/heritage whereas this is my 'vomit your spleen' blog.
My other confession is that I have nfi if/when he'll ever return to uni study.
He says he wants to go back to it and asks often but he's so unstable I can't see him managing to concentrate or focus on anything for any length of time.
Not yet, any way.
So, I'm fudging and telling him 'later', 'in a while' and the old stand by 'let's wait and see'.
Another confession is that I still have a hankering for David Cassidy.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum...!

Those inner diaries and hidden schedules

He's so full of energy and plans that sometimes he doesn't quite see the need for communication with those outside his own little world.
Today, for instance, he knew he had text book work to do but he went off to make an electromagnet.
No matter what he said, what we said or did, he couldn't concentrate or focus until he'd nutted out the materials he needed, where to find them in the shed, what he needed to buy and how long he'd need to make it.
No particular reason why he wanted to make one.
He just did.
So, after eventually talking through it with me he's agreed to get on with his book work until his father gets home and he can go shopping at the hardware store tomorrow for the bits that he's missing.
After the orthodontist appointment and maybe before the illustration session and well before he heads off to footy training.
We'll have to consult his inner diary just to make sure, though!

Stress/no stress

Today rocked.
It truly did.
My Aspie had an appointment with his beloved paediatrician who not only gives him great support and reassurance but today he saw Aspie teen's new anxiety manifestations in constantly clicking his fingers.
I know it's anxiety-driven but I can't figure out if it should be labelled a Tourette's tic or a stim...or even an OCD behaviour as he's sort of able to stop (sometimes) but he's got this overwhelming urge to keep going.
Anyways, the paed saw it and saw that verbal reassurance, coupled with hugs, back rubs and cuddles didn't cut the mustard, either.
It's interesting to note that while Aspie teen denied that he felt any anxiety or worry at the increasing noise of new patients in the waiting room his clicking increased when we walked out there.
I don't know if he's actually able to identify feelings of anxiety or stress as he's lived with them as a constant for so long it's like background noise.
We talked, oh so briefly as he was getting prickly, about stress on the way home and I tried to explain that many people don't realise they're stressed out or anxious until these behaviours appear.
At least I've sown the seed for him to think about and we might be able to discuss it further another day, soon.

Hiccups and a step backward

Well, I spoke too soon the other night.
Aspie teen had a meltdown yesterday that, while it wasn't a major one, it still was a battle and damn exhausting.
It stopped as quickly as it started with him curled up in a ball, sobbing.
He's very clingy after these episodes asking for squishy (compression) hugs, profusely apologising and telling us how much he loves us.
I made him some pot pies which are fast becoming a favourite and a bit of comfort food for him.
He just generally entangled himself with both his dad and I on the couch and kept some form of physical contact with us throughout the rest of the day and night.
I have no idea if it was the GFDF pancakes I surprised him with at brekkie or the full moon (and eclipse) the other night (no, it's not an old wives' tale) or the nasty cold weather that upset his applecart but, currently, he's a happy and settled poppet doing his schoolwork without any problems.

Doin the Happy Mummy Dance

Aspie teen had a small-ish meltdown this arvo (only mildly jumping on his fathers back and grabbing my wrists with a little swearing) when he stormed off to his room All On His Own.
Without me having to tell him.
And then...are you sitting down?...He Came Back Within 6 mins And Apologised.
Without being prompted.
*is doing the Happy Mummy Dance. There is much wobbling of body parts. You may want to avert your eyes*
This was unheard of a month ago.
This is sooooooooooooo the results of being gluten-free.
I asked him what had made him apologise and he said he didn't really feel as angry as he used to and he felt guilty about his behaviour.
So, the behaviour we're dealing with now is learned behaviour, not the furiously fuelled impulsive anger we had a month ago.
MUCH easier to cope with!
*Warning; Happy Mummy Dance coming up. For several hours*

Ballarat homeschooling excursion

We hit Ballarat while it was bucketing down with rain. Actually the rain barely let up while we were there and it chased us back to Melbourne.
But, hey, the more the merrier to break the drought.
Aspie teen totally loved the In Your Face exhibition at the Art Gallery of Ballarat; political cartoons from 1760-2010, some of them far more risque than what our cartoonists get away with today (very chuckle-inducing, though).

The art gallery is the oldest regional art gallery in Australia and oozes history, it certainly appealed to Aspie teen. He seems more comfortable in an older, historic setting rather than post-modern minimalistic (which he says feels cold to him). We could have spent hours and hours there but we were on a tight time-frame so we will be returning to the art gallery at a future date to continue our love affair with its goodies.

Aspie teen's map reading skills are getting quite a work out on these trips; we picked up a travel booklet which included a map of the CBD of Ballarat and he was able to navigate us correctly to each op shop address I'd written (the fact the list was out of date and the op shops no longer at each address is beside the point, he got us there in one try lol).
We were given directions from a kind lady in one op shop we happened to stumble across and we had a great walk around the streets, eyeballing some fabulous architecture, history and beautiful buildings (with the full trimmings) still mostly intact as they were originally built over 150 years ago.

In all it was a highly successful homeschooling excursion like the last; these weekly trips are proving to be good for him in so many ways, not to mention getting him ready to travel out of Melbourne during school hols to avoid the crowds. He's able to navigate us around strange cities without using the GPS (and without a meltdown), his ability to look for street addresses and work out which side of the street or how far down the street the building may be is becoming better and he's enjoying himself, which is the most important thing in all of this.
So long as he's having fun the learning comes naturally in those circumstances and it stays with him as it's associated with a pleasant time.
We were unable to get to Kirrit Barreet, the Aboriginal cultural centre, but Aspie teen wasn't upset as he's keen to learn about his fathers people, the Dja Dja Wurrung, who are from the Bendigo area and part of the Kulin Nation.
Maybe when we go back again soon we'll get to have a visit there.

Soy, soy, soy

Shhhhhhhhhhh.........
Be vewy, vewy quiet.
I'm huntin' making soy yoghurt.
Aspie teen hasn't strictly been dairy free although I've been cutting it down and substituting with soy whenever I could.
But then I got hold of the magnifying glass and read the back of the yoghurt containers.
They has gluten in the shape of thickener 1442.
Yikes!
Had a gander at one brand of soy yoghurt in the supermarkets ...it also has the culprit.
Pooh.
Of the non-Tigger kind.
So, I knuckled down and started brewing my own.
Got a peach flavoured dairy-based one residing in Le Chilly Bin and a soy-based vanilla flavoured one burbling in the do-hickey-whats-it maker thingie.
Next on the list is soy cheese.
I hear that animal is pretty common around these parts so I should be home from hunting shortly....

Book covers are more intricate than the dust jacket implies

People look at Aspie teen and judge him by
A) his age
and
B) his height.
Aspie teen is tall for age so he's immediately judged to be older than he actually is.
Strike one.
He can hold mature, serious conversations with others.
Strike two.
He's able to hold himself together, with manners, in formal situations (98% of the time).
Strike three.
It's difficult to explain to those who have no inkling of ASD how a child might superficially appear to be on par with his/her peers but when it comes to the long haul some can't keep up or cope, no matter how much encouragement they're given, no matter how many therapies they get, no matter how much early intervention they attend.
We have to wait for the child to mature on their own before they're able to take the next step, sometimes.
Which is why so many with ASD have an uneven ability.
Aspie teen was 12 when he began university yet he wasn't mature enough to cope with something more appropriate for his age like drama class until this year.
He started lapidary classes at age 12, learning from experienced geologists and science teachers yet he wasn't able to concentrate on swimming lessons until this year.
He started Russian language school at 12, galloping along and learning the language quickly yet he couldn't cope with dancing lessons until this year.
He'd reached a new level last year but it didn't automatically include the level he's now reached this year.
Next year he may reach another level but we'll leave that up to him to attain ;)