Some of The Secret Language explained

Ahhhh.
That's the sound of a deep, contented sigh.
My darling Feral Aspie geeky teen is getting some help through the school and is happy to discuss his issues.
Well, they are other kids' issues who have seen fit to make them Feral Aspie teen's issues but they are being dealt with.

We've done the usual "ignore them/ walk away/ don't speak back to them" speech for years.
And it is so much easier to say when you're not the person dealing with the angst, anxiety and fury at being the centre of someone else's bullying.
So, after another incident I sat him down and explained about "the secret language".

This is something you and I  (and probably the Man in the Moon) know about instinctively.
But teens (mostly of the male variety) and those with difficulties reading social behaviours don't 'get it'.

I explained that someone teasing/bullying him is handing power over themselves to the victim.
When the victim ignores them, the bully ends up with egg on their face, looking like an idiot in front of friends.
And no feedback from the victim to continue the teasing.

But the moment the victim responds to the bullying they are handing the power back to the bully, feeding the monster with attention and giving them ammunition to continue.

When an older student gave them a mouthful of abuse as he walked past the other day, Feral teen and a friend automatically responded in kind.
In hindsight he understood how this inflamed the situation into shocking volumes.
I explained him to think of the Mountain Gorilla, sitting up banging his chest and grunting out a challenge to other males.
This is how this student (and most male teens) behave.
The moment people respond in kind it is the equivilent of the second male gorilla meeting the challenge and agreeing to a physical fight.

Feral Aspie teen understood immediately when I put "the secret language" into similies that he knew.
And, I think, he is finally understanding the intelligence behind the oft-repeated "ignore them/walk away" instructions as not a means to let the bully off but to keep the power in his own hands (and himself safe).


And now he's off at the GP getting his ingrown toenail - also known as the underlying bane of our existence - seen to.

So, I shall be waving my not-so-magic wand and disappearing myself into the backyard!

It's alive, I tell you! ALIVE!!!!

I'm still alive!
Been a bit snowed under with Dad back in hospital, going up and down on antibiotics and oxygen like a rabid chipmonk on alcohol-soaked acorns.
Yeah, I learned my nature stuff real good from Chip 'n' Dale cartoons, didn't I?
Aspie teen has been managing so far, so good, touch wood, fingers crossed, toss the salt over your left shoulder.
He's been stressed at times but he stays focused enough to answer questions as we try to identify the irritation - tonight it was the fact he was expecting home made pizza I'd promised and I'd been caught up playing with the new chook, attacking housework and chasing therapists for Dad.
So, him and his palate were all angsty and ready for a hissy at the thought of vegies and rice and noodles!
I mean to say....!
What was I thinking *rolls eyes at self*.
So, we talked him down, got him to put his plate in the oven and make himself a liverwurst sanga.
Which is a win:win as he gets something he likes and he made his own food which is difficult in recent times.
He went to see The Wimpy Kid Diary movie today with his Aspie teen social group and really enjoyed it.
He's read the book and was happy with the movie so the producers need not fear any letters winging their way to complain long and loud.
Yes, that was sarcasm but he really would vent via email to Whomever Was Responsible.
Thank you to the producers for getting it right, it saved my ear being chewed off before yours!

Hope to be around to your blogs soon-ish :)
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Hi Jean! Hygiene!

I must add, on the tail end of yesterdays post, Aspie teen avoids the shower but when we can shoehorn him into it it can take up to an hour for him to actually turn the water on and get in.
Then he needs reminding to shampoo his hair, wash his face, etc, or he'd just stand under the water.
Then we have to nag for him to turn the water down/or off as he usually has it at the force a fireman would expect to find at the end of his hose to fight a raging inferno.
Or he stands there for hours staring into space.
Then we might ask if he remembered to dry himself properly as we mop up the puddles from bathroom to his room.
"Oh. No. There wasn't a towel so I just walked to my bedroom and got dressed," is sometimes the reply.
Nevermind that the towels are in a cupboard that you have to pass to walk into or out of the bathroom.
He has barely touched a comb in his entire life to subdue his hair and refuses to let me near him with one, either.
A number 2 or 3 buzzcut usually keeps it in check once or twice per year.
I almost fell over with shock when he correctly used the phrase 'hair product' in a sentence the other day.
Thought he'd been abducted by aliens.
But then he admitted he'd read an ad for 'hair mud' and thought it was a new cultural discovery from Ancient Egypt or Roman Britain.
Ahhh, yes, my Aspie geek; might not be the most well-presented in a crowded room but he'd probably be the only one who could thrill a girl with detailed instructions on how to remove a dead persons brains, with a crochet hook, via their nasal passage.
What more could a girl ask for on a date!?!

Social skills for teens - with and without ASD Aspergers Autism ADHD or Tourettes

Yes, most teens need social skill classes, or maybe just some tips, on how to behave in an appropriate manner.
Sitting on Kyneton railway station yesterday and there was the usual suspects; several teen girls hanging around a couple of teen boys who were showing off to their enraptured female audience by swearing their heads off and being too rough in horse play judging by the loud complaints from one of the girls.
This actually made the boys pull up and calm their behaviour down...one of their own applying the brakes and firmly marking a social boundary.
How many teens feel unable to apply these brakes by speaking up, by saying that they don't like something that a peer is doing?
How many are unable to recognise these boundaries?
There are social stories galore for our younger kids, whether they're on the Autistic Spectrum or not, but many times these are not suitable and it seems that all teens are grossly over-looked; they could do with some social skills classes slipped in between maths and science.
Simply sitting teens down to explain what is and is not acceptable could make the world of difference to their lives as hormones can blind them to what is really very obvious.

Links...
Why teaching social skills to teenagers is important.
Social skills activities for children and teenagers.
Preparing to teach social skills to your teen.